The Wife of a Pure Devotee

Here is an excerpt from the upcoming biography of Srila Prabhupada, Bhaktivedanta, compiled and edited by His Grace Purujit Dasa.

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According to the Hindu conception of life, even if there is some misunderstanding between husband and wife, it is not taken very seriously. Canakya Pandita says,

aja-yuddhe muni-sraddhe

prabhate megha-dumbare

dampatih kalahe caiva

bambharambhe laghu-kriya

“Fighting of the goats, sraddha ceremonies performed by the sages in the forest, rumbling of the clouds early in the morning, and a fight between husband and wife should not be taken seriously.”

Srila Prabhupada explains: “Aja-yuddhe, when there is fighting between two goats, they are initially very serious about fighting, but if somebody comes and claps his hands, they disperse, and the fighting stops. So, if you see there are two goats fighting, you don’t care for it. Similarly, if there is muni-sraddhe, a ceremony observed by some sages in the jungle, what do they have? Some leaves and flowers. That’s all. What elaborate arrangement can they make?

And if there is prabhate megha-dambare, the thundering sound of the cloud in the morning, one may know that there will be no rain, and if there is rain, it will be a drop only, although there may be very great rumbling. These are some of the rules. And similarly, if there is dam-pate kalahe, war between husband and wife, it is to be taken as insignificant. The next moment, they will live peacefully again. Let them fight. It will stop automatically. The show will be very big, but the result will be nil. They will scream at each other, ‘Never come to me! I shall not see your face! If you come, I shall kill you!’ And so on, but they are talking the next moment.

Even Mahatma Gandhi wrote in his biography about how he fought with his wife. At one point, he pushed her out of the house and said: “Get out. I don’t want you.”

His wife Kasturabhai then began to cry on the street, “Where shall I go? You have driven me away.” Gandhi then called her back, and that was the end of the argument.

In India, if there is quarrel between husband and wife, nobody takes it very seriously. The husband may complain, the wife may complain, but everyone will tell them, ‘Yes, yes. That’s all right. It will be all right.’ They never go to court for divorce. I have seen that even if they divorce, the husband is still anxious for the wife, and the wife is anxious for the husband, so the idea of divorce is artificial. The combination of husband and wife cannot be cut off.

Even if there is some misunderstanding, they should not go to the court to file for divorce. They should tolerate. These are some of the rules for spiritual advancement. According to Indian culture, once married, there is no question of divorce. Both the husband and wife would not even dream of divorce because the love was so strong. They were combined as life companions. Even if the husband becomes diseased and paralyzed, the wife cannot give him up. “Oh, he is my husband.”

Similarly, even if the wife becomes diseased or so many things, the husband and wife are combined for life. Whenever there are men and women, there must be fighting. That is individuality, but if you don’t give them any seriousness, they’ll mitigate. That is the process.

In the Western countries, in the name of liberty, so many family lives are dismantled simply by these divorce laws, but according to Vedic civilization, there is no divorce. Once united, it cannot be disunited in any condition of life. Why divorce? Divorce kills the whole family life. The children go away; the father goes away; the mother goes away. I have seen so many cases. So, previously, there was no question of divorce.

So, even if the husband and wife fight and it becomes a very serious thing, don’t think of it as serious. This is the Hindu philosophy. I was very young when I got married, and my wife was only 11 years old, but there was no question of separation in our marriage, neither will the girl ever be separated from the boy; that is their vow. The fighting must be there, but that does not mean separation. I fought with my wife all along, yes, but there was no question of separation.

One must be responsible. Marriage is not a joke. The modern, so-called advanced boys and girls are now after divorce. My wife never thought of any other man; nor did I think of any other woman.

Although we fought. Fighting is natural, but this is not fighting. It is a fight of love.” thought of any other man; nor did I think of any other woman. Although we fought. Fighting is natural, but this is not fighting. It is a fight of love.”

(BHAKTIVEDANTA, Chapter "The Wife of a Pure Devotee")